An Honest Conversation

It seems I've been unable to have an honest conversation with anyone these days, so I'm going to lay it all out right here.

I've worked my ass off in college, and have just below a fucking 3.9 GPA. Don't you dare talk to me about not staying the course and giving up, if you knew me at all you'd know I'm not going to. Even if I hate every second of it, I'll end these four years with a 3.8 at least even if it's pride alone driving me.

I know I'm supposed to want to stay in school forever and be some stuffy academic elitist, but maybe I don't want that. Maybe I don't care about fucking international relations. I'm not one of those people that posts political articles on Facebook every day so that I can feel smarter than everyone else. When I'm not working for a grade, I don't think much about world issues. Ok that's kind of a lie. It depends on the issue.

All I'm saying is, would it be so damn horrible if I became a housewife that wrote bad novels? Or a teacher in a Catholic high school? My parents tell me to do what makes me happy, but somehow I think that these options are unacceptable to them.

Bottom line is, there are very few things that I'm sure about. One of them is the man I want to marry, who I have been trying to prove my love to for 6 and a half years. The other is the grace and glory of God.

I'm getting a little sick of people thinking they know what I want, because I don't even know. I guess when it comes down to it, however, my fundamental desires are simple: to live a happy, healthy life with the man I love, and to do so favorably in the eyes of God to the best of my ability.

And what will that 3.9 GPA mean when I have achieved this?

NOTHING.

My First "Ticket"

I feel like I should commemorate this moment. I got pulled over for the first time today, making an illegal left from Collings Ave onto 130 on the way home from PATCO. *Sigh*. I'm actually surprised by how well I held it together, my heart was beating kind of fast but I didn't lose all feeling in my arms and legs like I did when a cop flashed me out of the fast lane on 295 one time. Lucky for me, it's the middle of the month and the cop was a sweetheart about it. I did the slightly pathetic but not overdone puppy-dog eyes and called him "sir" and everything, and he commended my good driving record and let me off with a warning. Other than my run-in with the antique Camaro's bumper in high school (which did not result in a run-in with the po-po, thank God), I've managed to avoid police attention on the road for 3 and half years, which isn't too bad. And I didn't get a ticket this time, so as far as I'm concerned it still doesn't count :P

Going to the Big M.E

Less than one year from now, I will be flying to Amman, Jordan. Completely alone.

After a long and intense deliberation, I've decided to risk being "sex-trafficked" and put my trust in a small volunteer organization called Geovisions. They promise to place me in a safe and stable Jordanian home where I will live for one month while tutoring locals in English and improving my Arabic, Insha'Allah. It's an incredible opportunity. I'll be able to visit some of the most important biblical sites, not to mention Jerusalem itself. I told Andy that if I die there I'll probably go straight to heaven. He didn't think that was funny.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have a lot more interesting things to write about when all this comes to pass! I'm leaving on May 17, 2011 and returning on June 17. For now, all I can do is wait for Geovisions to contact me when they've found a family to take me in, and pay off the fee to the program (which is modest in comparison to most of its kind). Jordan is supposed to be one of the most hospitable nations on Earth, and I can't wait to soak it all in, from the people to the language to the food. After the GRE, I need to work very hard on my spoken Arabic up until my departure day, so that I can get the most out of the short time that I'm there. Fun Fact: Amman was (one of) the original Philadelphia's of Ancient Rome. It's meant to be :-)

A "Stinky" Father's Day

Last night at approximately 11:00 PM, my cocker spaniel was sprayed in the face by a skunk in our backyard. She was shaking and proceeded to scrape her face along the deck before tracking the odor into the house. We've all smelled that skunk-y smell while driving along the road, but that's only the beginning. Get closer, and the smell becomes the pungent, unbearable scent of burning garlic. It is a multi-faceted odor that seeps into your furniture and carpets with just the presence of the contaminated creature. So this Father's Day, I didn't get to see much of my dad. He couldn't stand the smell anymore and rode his bike to my grandmother's house in Bellmawr, while my mom and I shampooed the rugs, sofas, floors, pillows, and, of course, the dog. After three hours, the house smells like a skunk drenched in Ajax.

Three baths later, along with a washcloth of vinegar to the face and quarantining in the basement, I think it's safe to say that my dog won't be venturing too far from the deck at night anymore.

Summer Update

I haven't written in awhile, so I decided to give my blog a makeover and just post a few updates to get the ball rolling.

Emotional tumult = plethora of inspiration for writing.

Moving back home + relationship issues + loss of friends = emotional tumult

Happiness = BORING!

After a rocky start, this summer has turned out to be quite a good one. Maybe even the best ever. After whining about not having any friends for a few weeks, I've found myself with more plans than I can feasibly carry out. I've reconnected with old friends and found some amazing new ones. After whining about working unpredictable night shifts at Red Eagle, I was moved to the morning shift Monday through Thursday. After whining about not doing anything worthwhile for my undefined career this summer, I was asked to start 2 months early for my World Affairs Council internship. I have nothing to complain about.

So there you have it, I don't want to speak too soon but I'm plugging along nicely right now.

25 Things!

So let me just say how excited I was to be tagged in Sarah's This Unfinished Life to post 25 random things about myself. I was feeling really insecure tonight and it made me smile to be included in her list :)

So here goes...

1: I often feel like the "black sheep" when in a group, interestingly enough because I'm too liberal for my conservative friends and too conservative for my liberal friends.

2: The only time I don't feel like a black sheep is when I'm with Andy, because he and I are the same type of sheep. But then I wonder, does everyone feel like a black sheep?

3: Sheep is a funny word.

4: Sometimes, I watch youtube videos of kittens to cheer myself up.

5: I have a wavering relationship with the institution of the Catholic Church, but an unwavering relationship with God.

6: I am obsessed with nuns, and am periodically haunted by the thought that I may be called to become one. (I'm not, I simply admire their strength and grace)

7: I have never been drunk, and the temptation to drink does not exist within me. I think that part of my brain never developed. Thank God.

8: I am afraid that I will one day find myself homeless, in more ways than one.

9: I don't know if I want to go to grad school.

10: I have a lot of love to give, but it is extremely focused love. I'm not a people pleaser in the grand sense. I seek the approval of my family and a limited group of cherished friends only. Very limited.

11: I am neurotically punctual and cheap. I'm working on it, and slowly improving in both areas.

12: There was a short time in my life when I was not burdened with thoughts about my body's imperfections, and I miss it.

13: In college, I've acquired enough confidence to recognize what I deserve and to not compare myself to other girls.

14: There are three prayers in my life that were answered after the fervent recitation of a rosary. I believe in the power of prayer.

15: I love the movie Zoolander.

16: I bought a UPenn wallet and felt like a traitor, but I'm sorry TCNJ, UPenn is just a better lover than you.

17: I like to personify places.

18: I miss my grandmother every day.

19: I worry that my future children will not get to meet their grandfather, the same way that I didn't. Isn't drinking grand?

20: I need to let go of a lot of bitterness.

21: I felt the first tickings of my biological clock this week. Uh-oh.

22: I hope to one day visit Jerusalem.

23: I want to name my son Ezekiel because it's a kick-ass sounding Bible name. Or Enoch. Or Malachi.

24: I don't care about the Phillies, at all. I care about the Flyers a little.

25: I stopped eating sweets for Lent this year, but gave up after a homily in which the priest said, "Lent isn't about giving up Hershey kisses!"...hehe, works for me.

AGAINST "Everybody Draw Muhammad Day"

This truly makes me sick. Apparently, all of this began when Comedy Central censored a depiction of the Prophet Muhammad that aired on South Park several months ago, and it stirred controversy over issues of censorship, political correctness, freedom of speech, etc.

Cartoonist Molly Norris subsequently created "Everybody Draw Muhammad Day", which is scheduled for tomorrow as a protest against Islamic extremism and censorship in general. While Islamic extremism is inarguably a dire issue, this type of tactless, disrespectful, and overall ignorant response is simply appalling to me. Depictions of the Prophet Muhammad are forbidden in Islam. Do people truly believe that by insulting a fundamentally peaceful religion practiced by millions of law-abiding citizens worldwide they are somehow going to aid in the fight against extremism?

I think it would serve the American public well to take a look at history. Plural societies existed in peace under Islamic rule for centuries in both the Abbasid and the Ottoman Empires, to name two. (FYI: the Ottoman Empire survived from the 12th through the 20th century. Makes the American Empire look a little puny, huh?). Islam teaches respect for all who believe in God, and Christians, Jews, and Muslims were once able to live in harmony because they UNDERSTOOD and RESPECTED each other. They blended their cultures and ideals, creating a beautiful tapestry of coexistence that gave us some of the most influential scientific, artistic, and literary achievements.

I'm not trying to say that these societies were perfect, but they were much closer to "world peace" than we are. I understand the argument that Islamic groups oftentimes do not treat America (Christianity, or what have you) with respect, but answering fire with fire has never really solved any problems, has it? It just burns the whole damn house down, and unlike popular media opinion, we all used to live quite comfortably in this house together before the Church of Nationalism and Imperialism decided that it wanted to pin us all against each other.

I understand freedom of speech, and although I'd never argue that people shouldn't have the right to draw a picture of Muhammad, that freedom can be used for good or it can be used for evil. You can cover it with all the jargon you want, but "Everybody Draw Muhammad Day" is meant to offend Muslims, and to me, that's a show of some Americans' ignorance and arrogance if I've ever seen one.